


Calm a Howard Deep Down

by A_Little_Boosh_Maid



Series: Zooniverse Nights [4]
Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Fluffy Ending, Friendship/Love, Frot, M/M, Male Slash, Mildly Dubious Consent, Season/Series 01, Smut, Workplace Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 11:35:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15706425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Little_Boosh_Maid/pseuds/A_Little_Boosh_Maid
Summary: In which Vince keeps Howard awake, and Howard comes when he's called.





	Calm a Howard Deep Down

The room was bathed in bright moonlight as Howard lay in bed in the zookeeper's hut. It had been a long hard day in a series of long hard days, and now he couldn't sleep because he was listening to Vince masturbate in the bed across the room. Usually Vince tried to be quick and quiet – he could pull himself off with almost brutal efficiency when he wanted to – but tonight he seemed to be taking ages.

Vince probably thought he wasn't making any noise, but Howard could hear occasional little catches of breath that were almost like moans. They weren't loud, but they were disturbing to Howard. He tried not to listen, but somehow he couldn't help it because a part of him wanted to listen.

(That part of Howard would not get a warm welcome from the other parts of himself, they didn't approve at all, but it seemed that part was in control of his ears and the other parts had to helplessly tune in to the Vince Noir Wank Show.)

Finally Vince seemed as if he was working himself up to a climax, and then at its peak he heard Vince softly gasp out his name: " _Howard_ ".

He almost sounded as if he was in pain or distress, and Howard Moon, man of action, jumped out of bed to go to Vince's side.

"What is it, Vince?", he asked anxiously.

Vince gazed at him with incredulity.

"What does it _look_ like?", he said.

"Sorry", Howard said, trying to sound dignified, "but you said my name, and I thought you needed my help".

"You were planning to ... help ... with _this_?", asked Vince with a giggle. "How exactly?".

"I thought you were hurt", said Howard distantly. "My mistake. Sorry if I intruded".

Howard went back to his own bed. After a few minutes wrestling with himself, he said:

"Why _did_ you say my name, anyway?".

"Because I was obviously fantasising about you, you great berk", said Vince in his most teasing manner. "I've got a real thing for big scruffy northerners with no fashion sense".

"Oh shut up", said Howard crossly.

Vince came over to Howard's bed, and sat next to him.

"Do you want to know what I was thinking about, Howard?", he asked in a confidential manner.

"No, piss off back to your own bed".

Vince flagrantly ignored this suggestion, and leaned over Howard so that his lips were against his ear.

"I was imagining you were sucking me off, Howard", he whispered. "You've got a lovely mouth, and I bet you could give amazing head".

(Unfortunately the part of Howard that liked hearing Vince was still in charge of the ears, and the rest of him was forced to listen to that. The other parts of Howard were naturally horrified.)

"Stop it, Vince". He didn't sound as convincing as he wanted to.

"I imagined that you started off by licking my balls", continued Vince conversationally. "I could feel your moustache tickling me, and that got me really excited".

"Come on Vince, that's enough".

"Then you put your lips around the head of my cock, and kissed it", went on Vince in a huskier voice. "You put my cock in your mouth, and started sucking it on slowly like you wanted it to last a long time".

"Vince ...", said Howard uncertainly. Something stirred.

(The other parts of Howard were forming a committee to put in a very strong complaint about what was going on.)

Vince was now crouched over Howard, giving an insistent, almost hypnotic, monologue that was putting Howard into a state best described as petrified arousal. The trouble was that Vince's voice was filled with erotic promise, and Howard sometimes thought Vince could read him the index to the _London A-Z_ in that tone, and he'd get off by Aberdeen Place.

Vince was still naked from the waist down, and Howard could feel his body pressed against him, and smell his cum. He tried to be disgusted by this, but instead it just turned him on more. He was definitely hard: proof that you really _can_ be scared stiff.

(The committee was now drafting a stern letter to let Howard know in no uncertain terms that they couldn't support this proposal, which went against every rule about workplace relations in the staff handbook.)

"Because you know what I reckon, Howard?", murmured Vince with diabolical sweetness. "I reckon that you just _love_ cock. You'd love it if I fucked your gorgeous mouth, wouldn't you?".

Howard had a massive hard-on, and Vince eased down his pants, whispering that Howard would really be more comfortable that way. Howard knew he should argue with him, except that he actually _did_ feel more comfortable with no pants on. It's so difficult to fight facts.

Now hard again himself, Vince began grinding on Howard, his monkey-agile hips moving in a rhythm that was making Howard just about lose his mind. All the other parts of himself seemed to have been silenced; the only part left standing was that which wanted Vince. That was the one part of his mind that hadn't been lost.

"Don't do this, Vince", Howard pleaded. "Just don't".

"You sound really sexy when you beg for something", Vince whispered. "I'd love to hear you beg for a mouthful of cock. Come on Howard, beg me for it".

" _Please_ ", said Howard desperately.

"Ooh, you _are_ begging me for cock, you filthy, horny bastard", crooned Vince. "Don't worry darling, you'll get all the cock you can - ".

" _Fuck_ ", groaned Howard. "Look what you made me do, you little tit".

"Do you have eight balls or something, Howard?", Vince enquired breathlessly. "Because there's like a gallon of jizz on us".

"At least half of it's yours", protested Howard as they cleaned themselves up on Howard's sheets. "And since when do you call me _darling_?", he demanded with some irrelevance.

"You're a true gentleman, Howard, you deserve to be treated with a bit of class", said Vince cheekily. He was embarrassed though; the endearment had slipped out unintentionally.

"I'm not sleeping in this", announced Howard. "We'll have to share your bed".

"Nah, we tried that before", Vince reminded him. "We broke the bed, and Fossil took it out of my wages".

"So what do we do?".

"Same as we always do", said Vince cheerily. "Sleep on the floor".

He started grabbing the duvets, blankets, and pillows off both their beds, making a little nest for he and Howard to share.

"Vince, why do you do it?", asked Howard in bewilderment.

Vince gave him an unseen look that was a mixture of pity and exasperation, but he answered kindly.

"You've been really on edge lately, you needed some stress relief. You'll get a good night's sleepy now, and wake up tomorrow feeling a lot better".

Vince had the tone of voice he used to soothe fractious animals, and Howard could feel himself being gentled into bed as if he was a nervous llama. Vince cradled him from behind and bestowed a kiss on his head, so softly that Howard was not aware of it. Vince was right, Howard felt much more relaxed now, and all parts of him were happy to be held by Vince.

Howard was almost asleep when he suddenly remembered something.

"But Vince, _why_ did you say my name?".

There was no answer except a faint giggle, followed by a deep sigh.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who wondered if Howard and Vince kept trying after "Feel I Can Touch the Sky", or anyone who wondered about Howard listening to Vince pleasuring himself in the night, as briefly mentioned in "Of Men and Muses". And I figured I kind of owed Howard this one, since I jerked him around a bit in the first half of the series (not any more, promise). 
> 
> You can take this as AU, or decide it's not implausible something like this might have happened occasionally, since Vince is pretty horny and Howard is quite pervy. And they always spoke of "bumming" as if nothing else sexual really counted – which leaves quite a scope for other activities. Just depends whether your head canon has a simple truth to it, or is filthy like an old shoe.


End file.
